...From our Correspondent in France....

[MikeKozlowski]

...Saw this on Twitter. This appears to take place in France, and brothers....the words 'comedy gold' do not even BEGIN to describe it.

RS Archer
@archer_rs
It's holiday season so of course a couple with their camper van thought it acceptable to break my fence and camp overnight on my land. They are now blocked in with our small tractor, should be fun when they wake up.
2:10 AM · Jul 16, 2023
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RS Archer
@archer_rs
·
10h
So I hear they are awake and are setting up a table for breakfast outside. Time for a little chat before they get too settled.
RS Archer
@archer_rs
·
9h
They are a British couple with a sense of entitlement that is off the charts. He has told me I have no right to put up fences as they have a "right to roam", they are reducing to pay for the damage done to my fencing and have accused me of "Kidnap" by blocking them in.
RS Archer
@archer_rs
·
9h
*Refusing to pay
RS Archer
@archer_rs
·
9h
They have driven right up to the tractor and have made at least one attempt to start it but were thwarted by the advances security features (we removed the key).
They tried to push it (didn't go well) and have now moved on to the shouting stage.
RS Archer
@archer_rs
·
9h
One of my estate workers is currently sitting under a shady tree filming them. They are very unhappy about this and have threatened him with,
"The mother of all Court actions"
He doesn't speak English so this has resulted in him smiling and waving at them.
RS Archer
@archer_rs
·
9h
I introduced myself as the owner of the land they were trespassing on and the woman said she wanted to speak to the manager. I repeated that I was the owner and she said,
" I only speak to managers, it's how I get what I want"
RS Archer
@archer_rs
·
8h
I have come back to the house having left them with a note for them to pay €250 for the damage to the fence and a charge of €100 for overnight parking. They are refusing to pay, I am refusing to move the tractor.
He claims to be calling his lawyer in the UK (on a Sunday!)
RS Archer
@archer_rs
·
8h
I have given them until 10.00 to pay or I call the police. She shouted at me as I left,
"You will regret this, we don't lose to people like you"
RS Archer
@archer_rs
·
8h
My deadline has passed so about to go and have another chat. Jean, who has been filming them says they are arguing with each other now and have again tried pushing the tractor, this time with their camper. Camper now damaged, tractor ok.
RS Archer
@archer_rs
·
8h
Jean reported the camper as being damaged but that was not really accurate, they have ripped off the entire front bumper, lights, and grill assembly which apparently is my fault for refusing to move our tractor. Again demands to speak to "your line manager"
RS Archer
@archer_rs
·
7h
I'm back at the house, they are still refusing to pay and are now making assorted threats including to "Burn you out one night" so with that in mind I have called the police. Our Alpacas who are in an adjoining field are lined up and enjoying the show.
RS Archer
@archer_rs
·
7h
Couple in question are now walking toward the house, we are following them on CCTV, I have closed and locked the gates. Dogs sense something is happening and are enthusiastically running around outside.

Cat indifferent.
RS Archer
@archer_rs
·
7h
They are at the gates and shouting. A curious mixture of demands and threats,

"You'll be sorry"
"You wanted this, not us"
"We spit out people like you"
"My father was a Royal Marine"
"We've called the British Embassy"
"Those dogs are dangerous, we're reporting you"
"Apologise"
RS Archer
@archer_rs
·
7h
I have given them a friendly wave from the front door but inexplicably this only seemed to enrage them further. More threats,
"We are giving you five minutes to move that bloody tractor or this gets serious buddy"
RS Archer
@archer_rs
·
7h
Police are here, (not Henri, he's on holiday in Corsica) but another local man who knows me. He has rung the bell and asked me to meet at the gates, on my way together with Jean and his video camera.
RS Archer
@archer_rs
·
7h
I am back in the house to get a fresh battery for the video camera. They didn't get off to a good start by saying to the Gendarmerie officer,

"You had better speak English sunshine, we don't want any dago nonsense"
RS Archer
@archer_rs
·
7h
The policeman is currently sitting in his van viewing the video, he's accepted my offer of a coffee. Camperman once again did himself no favours by calling that,
"A typical French bribe" as I walked back up the drive his wife shouted,
"We have friends in Colchester"
RS Archer
@archer_rs
·
6h
I dropped off the coffee and camperman filmed me doing it saying,

"This is going to be all part of the evidence, we are not going to let you get away with this. We want compensation for the damage to our vehicle and an apology for being imprisoned"
RS Archer
@archer_rs
·
6h
Two more police have arrived, they have asked me to return to the gates. Off now. Several of our neighbours have gathered, there is quite the party atmosphere as several have bought food and drink with them.
RS Archer
@archer_rs
·
6h
Police are now walking up to the camper to view the damage. Camperman's wife has been overheard saying,

·
6h
A quick note for those who know, the lady from the Mayor's office with the new dress has just driven past and waved.
RS Archer
@archer_rs
·
6h
The police have been very blunt, camperman has been told he has no case and must indeed pay what I have asked. I have offered a €10 discount for cash.
I was told to,
"Sod off you mug'
RS Archer
@archer_rs
·
6h
My eldest daughter and son in law arrived, as I opened the gates to let them in Mrs Camperman forced her way in and is currently sat on a garden chair refusing to move. The police are talking to her.

My wife is due home soon.
RS Archer
@archer_rs
·
5h
Camperman is standing at the gates shouting to be let in to, in his words,

"Protect my wife from those dangerous dogs"

Those same dogs are all currently sleeping in the library, although in fairness the cat is looking a little irritated so anything could happen.
RS Archer
@archer_rs
·
5h
In many ways I blame myself for what happened next, those loose rocks were a job I had been putting off for some weeks and it was easy for a stranger to be caught out. Mrs Camperman stepped back while on the phone, slipped, staggered sideways, corrected but then fell in our pool
RS Archer
@archer_rs
·
5h
The dogs, concerned by the shouting and obviously believing she was in distress all jumped in the pool to help, while this was with the best of intentions the effect was spoilt by one of them landing on her as she was climbing out pushing her back in.
RS Archer
@archer_rs
·
5h
My wife arrived home.and her first question was the obvious one,

"Who is the women in the pool house?"
RS Archer
@archer_rs
·
5h
I explained, my wife nodded and accepted this with a resigned air of understanding.
"Make them leave or I will"
RS Archer
@archer_rs
·
4h
Mrs Camperman was escorted to the gates and seen off the premises lightly sobbing, she said to her husband,
"Why is it like this every holiday?' He ignored her and said to me,
"Right, move the tractor and we'll say no more about this"
"No problem" I said, "when you pay"
RS Archer
@archer_rs
·
4h
He screamed at me,
"You cannot be serious!!!"

I smiled,
'O yes, you damaged my fencing, you camped on my land, you scratched the power take off on my tractor."

He thrust a hand into his pocket and withdrew a wad of euros.
"You'll be hearing from my solicitor"


·
4h
He walked back up the lane and discovered the tractor was being moved by Jean, he fixed the front panel back on with some duct tape and drove out into the road.

.

.

The police stopped him for driving while talking on his phone.

Mike

[Poohbah]

Cat indifferent.

[Johnnie Lyle]

Lawnchair, wine and cheese, stat!

[Pdf27]

"Appears" about sums it up. It's a very funny account, but not exactly one I would rely on...

[kdahm]

This is comedy gold.

Cat indifferent.

Of course the Cat is indifferent. Ms. Camperman is not offering food, nor is presently disturbing Cat. When Cat is disturbed, then Cat won't be indifferent.

[Johnnie Lyle]

"Appears" about sums it up. It's a very funny account, but not exactly one I would rely on...

Why let pesky things like plausibility and facts ruin our fun, sahr?

[jemhouston]

I'll bring popcorn.

[Micael]

Even if it’s not true, it’s still an entertaining story.

[Rocket J Squrriel]

If its not true I think we have a replacement for some of the WGA members on strike.

[Nik_SpeakerToCats]

Having drive/camped to Greece and back several times, I would consider this tale 'mostly plausible'. It certainly accords with the 'entitled excesses' of some of the Brits we met, and hastily disowned...

[warshipadmin]

You must mix with rough company Nik, I've never heard anything like it. Right to roam is a Scottish thing, not English, with the strange exception of Dartmoor and possibly a few other places.

[jemhouston]

The radio station I listen to while I'm driving use to have feature on the morning drive time called "Facebook Fight." People would send in screen shots of fights on Facebook and they would do a hilarious dramatic reading of them.

This would be prefect for that.

[Johnnie Lyle]

You must mix with rough company Nik, I've never heard anything like it. Right to roam is a Scottish thing, not English, with the strange exception of Dartmoor and possibly a few other places.

Having drive/camped to Greece and back several times, I would consider this tale 'mostly plausible'. It certainly accords with the 'entitled excesses' of some of the Brits we met, and hastily disowned...

Sadly, the number of people who have learned they can get what they want (in the short term) by being boorish seems to be a growing and international phenomenon, so this scenario is increasingly plausible for people of lots of different nationalities.

[Pdf27]

Sadly, the number of people who have learned they can get what they want (in the short term) by being boorish seems to be a growing and international phenomenon, so this scenario is increasingly plausible for people of lots of different nationalities.

Another of his threads about essentially the same people: https://twitter.com/archer_rs/status/12 ... 0885386240

[DaveAAA]

Those same dogs are all currently sleeping in the library, although in fairness the cat is looking a little irritated so anything could happen.

You really don't want a cat annoyed with you. They get right vicious and those little razors are sharp!